


(and i love you) (and i'm sorry)

by pawnshophearttradingup



Series: brufonse week 2020 [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27109792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pawnshophearttradingup/pseuds/pawnshophearttradingup
Summary: If he hadn’t been certain about his decision before, he was now. Bruno just hoped that one day, in the future… Alfonse and Sharena could forgive him. It was selfish, since he knew he wasn’t going to be able to forgive himself, but he still hoped.
Relationships: Alfonse/Bruno | Zacharias
Series: brufonse week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978789
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	(and i love you) (and i'm sorry)

**Author's Note:**

> YEAAAAAAH [BRUFONSE WEEK 2020](https://twitter.com/brufonseweek) and i start it off w/ a very angst-heavy, bruno-centric fic for the prompt "history"... but it also has hints of "future". like at the end. anyway what's up it's been a while
> 
> gonna slap a content warning on this. it deals w/ bruno's blood curse which i interpreted as being like intrusive thoughts But Worse (i also have intrusive thoughts so i was drawing a little bit on my experience for that) and some are kind of violent. none are super descriptive though

Zacharias couldn’t get used to his new room. It was much larger than his old one, with a much more luxurious bed that seemed far too big for him alone. He hadn’t even known why he was moved to it, except maybe that the prince and princess… well, Zacharias wouldn’t sugarcoat it. Alfonse and Sharena probably bothered their parents into moving Zacharias’s room closer to theirs until the King and Queen finally gave in.

He was still surprised by how quickly the siblings took to him. Alfonse in particular would trail behind Zacharias as often as he could, always enquiring into what he was doing. At first, Zacharias had been confused by it. He wasn’t ever  _ doing _ anything interesting, after all, and it wasn’t like there wasn’t anything better the prince could be doing with his time.

Then he realized that Alfonse just… wanted to spend time with him. He wasn’t used to it. Nobody back in Embla had shown this level of interest in him outside of him being the prince.

It was nice, he quickly decided. Having friends was nice.

It was even nicer, he thought, when Sharena joined in, too, and the three of them went on adventures of sorts around the castle. Oh, they’d caused so much mischief together, but they never seemed to get in serious trouble.

_ But what if you did? _

He shook his head, then flopped back on his new bed ungracefully, suddenly tired. It’d been like that a lot more lately, strange thoughts that he didn’t understand making their way into his head. He tried to ignore them as best he could but… he was afraid. Zacharias was certain he would never,  _ could _ never do anything to intentionally hurt his friends. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did. But if he couldn’t do anything to stop himself…

His dark thoughts got worse over the years. More violent, though he loathed thinking about it. He almost missed when they were simply about betraying Alfonse and Sharena’s trust. He was ashamed to admit it, but he was pulling away from his dearest friends as a result.

He was pulling away from Alfonse.

Sharena mattered to him a lot, of course, she was one of the kindest people Zacharias had ever met and probably would ever meet, but he was coming to realize that his feelings for Alfonse were… different. He suspected Alfonse felt similarly, but with Zacharias’s growing concern that he might one day do something unforgivable, he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

It seemed like Alfonse knew, anyway, and Zacharias thanked every god he knew of that Alfonse, usually so stubborn, hadn’t pushed the issue yet. It was certainly just a matter of time, however, if Zacharias pulling away didn’t convince Alfonse that he was over his… crush.

Part of him desperately hoped it would, but… well. Alfonse was, as he’d said, stubborn.

In the meantime, Zacharias spent more time in the library, hoping beyond hope that he could find more information on what was happening to him. By now, he’d deduced that it had something to do with Embla, which narrowed his searches considerably but also left him with so little information.

After all, why would a library in Askr have anything about an Emblian curse?

He couldn’t give up hope just yet, however. If not for himself, then for the pained looks Alfonse and Sharena gave him every time he turned down their offers of spending time together, or every time he shied away from physical contact. It was breaking their hearts, he realized, but more importantly… it was breaking his own.

His worst nightmare came true. Alfonse had come to him, late at night, unguarded, and Zacharias… no, Bruno, now, couldn’t bear to say no to him.

Alfonse had smiled, though he looked exhausted as he settled in Bruno’s bed. It reminded Bruno of days long past, and it hurt, like a sword through the chest.

It was better, he knew, not to do this often anymore. He hadn’t found a solution for the curse that still plagued his bloodstream, and he’d learned through experience that the curse could, eventually, do more than just invade his thoughts.

It left him too afraid to sleep, that night. He laid in bed next to Alfonse, listening to his steady breathing while trying his best to ignore the curse.

_ It would be so easy. _

No.

_ Just lean over… He’s sleeping. He’s vulnerable. _

Absolutely not.

But he was already moving, his hands going for Alfonse’s neck. Slowly, slowly, closer, closer... He wrenched himself away at the last moment, right before his hands closed around Alfonse’s throat, and in seconds he was up and out of the room.

If he hadn’t been certain about his decision before, he was now. Bruno just hoped that one day, in the future… Alfonse and Sharena could forgive him. It was selfish, since he knew he wasn’t going to be able to forgive himself, but he still hoped.

Bruno found his chance not long after that night. It had been a standard mission for the Order of Heroes, scouting out some Emblian soldiers that had been spotted by the border. It quickly turned into a skirmish, and in the flurry, Bruno made a split second decision to leave.

He felt horrible about it, still. The day before, he’d eaten breakfast with Alfonse and Sharena, the first time he’d done so in years, and he spent as much time as he could with them before leaving.

It would be a very long time, if ever, before he saw them again. He needed to make the most of the time he’d had left… and, even if they didn’t know, Bruno needed to apologize to them, in a way. Again, it was merely him being selfish, but he couldn’t help himself.

He was on his own now, heading back to the place of his birth, Embla. He hadn’t wanted to come back here… ever, if he was being honest. Not while it was still Embla, the empire that had murdered his mother and exiled him for the crime of being her child. However, if he wanted any chance to solve his “problem,” Embla was where he needed to go.

He couldn’t go back as himself, though, so, for the second time in Bruno’s life, he donned a disguise once more. The “masked knight.” He would sneak back into Embla… and hope his sister remembered him well enough to not exile him again or worse when she saw him.

He’d thought he’d been careful. He’d thought he’d done enough to not let on about who he truly was.

He had been wrong.

They knew the truth, now. Had pulled it out of him so easily after that fight.

Bruno wanted to lie. He wanted Alfonse to be angry, infuriated even, enough to kill him. He thought that he’d been prepared for that, had set things up with that being the intended outcome, but suddenly seeing Alfonse after years of  _ not _ seeing him… he couldn’t. They promised, Alfonse, Sharena, and the Commander, they promised to find a solution to the curse if he couldn’t.

Bruno had, too, at first. He’d almost given up, searching more out of habit now rather than because he genuinely believed in a cure.

Still, he couldn’t let his friends down like that. Not again.

There had been one request he made of their new friend, the legendary summoner of Askr… Kiran was their name, if he remembered correctly, though he was straying from the matter at hand. He’d made them promise that if he ever attempted to take the life of Alfonse or Sharena again, they would take his life.

Still, a part of him knew they wouldn’t. They were cut from the same cloth as his old friends, a bleeding heart. They might not go to the ends of the earth for him, but they would certainly refuse to kill him, opting to search for a cure that might not even exist.

For their sakes more than his own, Bruno hoped they were right.

The less Bruno… no, Zacharias, he’d never truly been able to leave that name behind, spoke of the Spring Festival, the better. The costume he’d been talked into wearing was tight, and almost uncomfortable to wear.

However, being able to fight alongside his closest friends again, just like when they’d joined the Order of Heroes together… it had him longing for days long past, and at this point he could certainly never be upset to see Alfonse in particular again. The rabbit outfit suited him a lot more than Zacharias had expected, and he was beginning to realize that his feelings for the other man had never quite subsided.

That wasn’t important right now, though. What was important was that Alfonse had reaffirmed his desire to help Zacharias. He’d even suggested fighting the gods themselves… for Zacharias. The thought was enough to almost make him giddy, and maybe he would be in private. For now, however, he stayed composed and collected, though he allowed himself to smile at his childhood friend’s devotion to him.

Were anyone else to suggest such a thing to him, Zacharias might have found it fitting to laugh in their faces. However, he knew Alfonse, knew his determination, knew what Alfonse was capable of.

Somehow, that was enough to convince him. If there was anyone, in this world or in any other, who would be able to take down Askr or Embla, it would be Alfonse.

In the meantime, however, Zacharias would keep searching, perhaps even broadening his searches to include this wonderful new possibility.

Hm. Perhaps he hadn’t lost all hope years ago. Now, he just had to believe that it wasn’t unfounded.

It had taken a while, to put it mildly. There was always something else that came up, something more urgent to take care of first. Other kingdoms in need of assistance. Zacharias didn’t fault Alfonse or the Order for it, bleeding hearts that they are.

After all, they eventually kept their promises, didn’t they?

Which led Zacharias to right now. This moment, with the man he’d loved since they were young. One of many moments, but Zacharias treasured them all. Alfonse was leaning against his side, his head cushioned on Zacharias’s shoulder as they sat together under a tree on the training grounds. Their fingers were interlaced and as Zacharias raised their hands to point out what Sharena and Princess Fjorm were doing across the field, the sunlight reflected off a gold band around his finger. His wedding ring. Alfonse sported a matching one on his own left hand.

These days, Zacharias would consider himself quite a lucky man, which he’d said out loud on more than one occasion. Alfonse would usually just laugh it off, more than a little flustered by the comments, which only spurred Zacharias on more.

Still… “I’m glad you’re with me,” Zacharias murmured, turning his head just slightly towards Alfonse like he was sharing a secret.

“Same,” Alfonse said, before looking away. A bit embarrassed by how much the Summoner’s rubbed off on him, Zacharias would assume. He laughed, and Alfonse joined in.

Perhaps he hadn’t known it at the time when the young prince had started following him around, wanting to spend time with him, that there would be something special there between them later on in life, but now he would have the rest of his life to make up for that.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "pyramids of salt" by the wonder years. the song's not all that fitting itself but i think a good portion of the bridge works real well
> 
> anyway! same as ever i'm [@lineraway](https://twitter.com/lineraway) on twitter, and [zenithgays](https://zenithgays.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. have a nice day! and if you liked this, pls leave kudos and/or comments, it motivates me to keep going <3


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